Making (and Keeping) Merry

Who doesn’t love Christmas in New York City? The Lords are a-leaping, the geese are a-laying, and there are so many tourists, you feel like you signed up to be an extra in Seth Rogan’s and Joseph Gordan-Levitt’s newest pet project.

While Christmas reminds us to relive that sense of child-like wonder, stare up at the city’s beautiful architecture, and stop to admire the magic and miracles of Christmas, it can be nearly impossible when thousands of selfie-taking, slow-walking tourists decide to do just that during my commute to work. They’re all sipping cocoa, ice skating, and singing carols, and I’m trying to hail a cab like

To be fair, it’s partially my fault, working in an office so close to one of many bustling holiday attractions. But as much fun as the post-work pop-up holiday bazaars and ugly sweater contests can be, I find that the best way to ease my tourist rage is a little something I like to call Toast to Tourists: Christmas Edition.

The rules are simple: set up shop at a window seat in a bar near your favorite tourist spot, and take a drink every time you see a tourist

  1. arm-in-arm with a group, clogging the sidewalk
  2. litter
  3. refusing to tip after spending more than anticipated (bonus points if you buy a drink for the untipped bartender)
  4. violently brandishing an umbrella as if they hate order, spatial awareness, and eyeballs
  5. with multiple visible articles of I NY merchandise

After a couple rounds, you should feel enough of the holiday spirit to remember the reasons we love tourists. They bring money into our city, and love it almost as much as we do. And although it can be fun to make fun of them, I’d like to think it’s because—especially around the holidays—misery loves company.

**originally published in TwentysomethingNYC on December 24, 2014**

Making (and Keeping) Merry

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