After the second day of arriving at work only to notice the resurgence of an insidious eye twitch, I’ve concluded that the cause is one of two things:
- My frustration at the ceaselessly growing pile of unimportant and uninspired work has finally manifested physically in what will be the closest I ever come to a sexy wink.
- My office building is leaking some sort of radioactive gas, and this twitch is the first sign.
Obviously, I’m leaning toward option two, which only means one thing: super powers for the whole office staff.
Just like Ant-Man, the Micro-Manager is able to shrink to microscopic sizes, but still retains the annoying tendencies of a full-sized human! She can also jump incredible lengths and to various conclusions without anything to support her.
The Invisible Man
This CEO’s invisibility almost works too well. The Invisible Man can never be found when you need him for a project, a consultation, or even to answer a quick question. Good luck finding him on payday.
The Invisible Girl
She does all the work of The Invisible Man, but no one seems to notice her. Sidenote: she also makes just 77% of The Invisible Man’s salary.
He loves to give shoulder massages, and comment on how nice you look in that new blouse. He uses his x-ray vision for perving instead of for good, and likes to boast how he can guess women’s bra sizes. He is married with a four-month-old at home.
You guessed it. Be careful what you confide in this one, because after reapplying her mauve lipstick, she’s turned around and told the whole office about The Flash’s UTI and Aquagirl’s relationship problems.
On days like today, I have to hope for the power of teleportation, because not much else will help me get through the countdown to six o’clock.